“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18
This blog will be a three-part series on my journey with the diagnosis; my pain, my tears, my fears, my faith!
October 2017: A new month! So much has happened since my September 25th diagnosis. It’s now OCTOBER, the fall season. For me the most wonderful time of the year, when the air is crisp and the leaves are so beautifully colored. When God paints His masterpiece and the world is beautiful. It’s also Breast Cancer Awareness Month and it’s MY BIRTHDAY MONTH! Yes, I said ‘month.’ I love birthdays; yours, mine, whomever, I just love them. I feel as though birthdays lift you up and gives you something to look forward to. October 2017, was my birthday month. In it, I was given a gift, and it was a gift like no other!
My first talk with God October 1, 2017, at 11:56 PM: It’s been a good day God. Service at church was a blessing and I was able to spend time with my fella; he always knows how to make me smile. I’m now on my way to my great-niece Laniyah’s Cheering Expo. I love my family and Lord I thank you for blessing me. I know you’ve got this all in your hands and for that alone, I’m thankful.
We arrive at the expo and of course, the teams are recognizing Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with varied speakers, everyone wearing pink. I whisper over to my mom and say, ‘this time next year, I’ll be that person speaking to people,’ she said you’re right! I didn’t know at the time that I’d actually have a voice or the strength but here I am today; but God!
So where do I come up with The Month That Was All About Me? Every October 1, I have two signs that I place at my desk, both given to me by former co-workers (Kelly and Denyse) because they knew that I celebrate the month! One says Happy Birthday Vanessa the other says Birthday Girl! Visitors, parents, and students come in my office at the school and they all ask, did we miss your birthday? My co-workers always say, no, Vanessa just celebrates for the entire month.
This October would be a little different. Still excited, but with a new feeling of celebration. This October included not just an age change, but also a life change. Beginning with my surgeon appointment on October 2, an MRI on October 11, then a lumpectomy October 19 and celebrating my 49th birthday on October 28. Already this October is so much different from any other. But, I can’t not celebrate, because I’m alive, I’m healed and God has restored my body. How can I not celebrate? I honestly said, “God, in His infinite Glory and humor, I know this month is and has always been about me, but in 2018 you can hold back some”!
My talk with God on the day of my surgery – October 19, 2017 at 7:15 AM: Today is my day of restoration. I am whole, my body is renewed and my mind is at peace. Thank You Lord! I’m now on the way to the hospital in the car with mom and she seems calm. Lord I already know that I’m healed. I know that you have already done what You said You would do and I’m grateful! Thank You Jesus!
As I was coming out of surgery, I remember the surgeon (Dr. Misti Wilson) saying, ‘Ms. Spurlock, everything went well and your nodes were all clear.’ For all of the confusion that was still going on in my head, I heard this loud and clear and all I could whisper was thank you Jesus!
When I think now on asking God to hold back, I have to retract that statement because I want Him to give me all that He desires me to have. I didn’t ask for cancer, but it came. I didn’t ask for the worry or the fear that came with it, but it did. What I’ll ask now, is that God whatever you have for me; for only me, I’ll take it. We sing a song “What God Has For Me, It Is For Me.” So yes, I’ll take your favor, your blessings, your healing, and your grace, all of it!
October 2017 I received more than a new season, more than the age 49, more than cake and candles. October 2017 I received the gift of restoration, of healing, of stronger faith and most of all a reason to truly celebrate.
My talk with God on my 49th Birthday, October 28, 2017 at 7:00 AM: 49 years old today and Lord I thank you. This morning I woke up thankful but emotional crying tears of joy and of praise. Lord this birthday could have been so different, but You kept me! Breakfast with mom, Gayle and Laniyah. Just to be able to spend this time with my family I thank You! Dinner with Fred; Oh Lord, he’s so good to me and he’s truly a blessing in my life. Thank you for his kindness and his strength and just for being here for me. This day October 28, 2017 I will remember forever!
October 2017 was a challenge; but I came through. I was given a gift like no other and yes, I will continue to celebrate ‘me’! Not just because it’s my birthday month, but also because now I have reason to celebrate just a bit more. I never thought that I took days for granted until I was faced with not knowing what was to come the next day and the day after; and the day after. Now, I take each day, one day at a time. I remember moments differently. I look at things differently and I think in some ways I am different.
I know that we are only given one life to live, but sometimes I feel as though I’ve had two. The life I lived before diagnosis and the life I’m living after. October 28, 2018, I’ll be celebrating my 50th birthday. Many have asked what my plans are; I tell them ‘I just plan to be here!’ I don’t know the plans that God has for me; but what I do know, is that I will continue to live my best life!
My final blog in November: Just Being Thankful
Richmond, Virginia, Here For the Girls Boober!
Diagnosed: September 25, 2017
ER/PR+ Her2- / BRCA-
Lumpectomy: October 19, 2017
Radiation: November 29 – December 27, 2017
Tamoxifen: January 1, 2018 – present